Hello, i'm back once again , back to update and update. I told you before that i hate this week yes i hate and still hating it. I don't have any latest picture to upload, i don't have any latest news to share and i will only have to share what i feel right now. I'm down totally down. WHY ? I myself i not too sure. I have not been drinking or clubbing , am i putting a stop to that? Actually no I'm not. I'm still have the desire to club and drink. Yes i know by drinking and clubbing , it's not gonna settle any problem but atleast i can free my mind for awhile, for atleast that time and i will feel atleast i'm not having any problem you guys get what i mean what I'm try to say here. I don't know if you guys feel me what i felt right now. 

Please who shall i share my burden with ? God's has keep giving me with alot of test. But i still here hanging strong on to it. Still smiling eventot i have to fake it. :( You know sometimes you will suffer alot if you have to put that fake smile on your face. Its so plastic, insincere and not lively! Please god I'm only 20 why this burden i have to bear it myself. WHY ? i feel so lonely , so down my feeling is anguished . I have been crying alot and i guess there no other tear drop to be fall. It's getting dry but tears getting dry the pain i bear is still killing me. Would anybody outside there understand what I'm going trough now. Anybody ? NO :(

My anniversary with baybe is near is so near fews day away , but what will happened on that day both of us working . He's in camp while my i'm different from his world . I waited for this day but it turn up to be otherwise. I don't mine celebrate advance or belated, but how to with no money in hands. I have to survive this amount of money that i have with me to wait for my pay. Baybe, do you know how i felt and what i'm going through now ?  It's killing me keep thinking and thinking what has already happened. On that day itself you broke my heart , im too dissapointed with what actually happened . Yes you ask for forgiveness but the pain that i got on that very day , Its so hurt . But than i forgive you baybe. Next, you told me that you got a punishment for not turning up for duty and you need to do 3 weekends on July, what about my birthday ? Will my birthday will be worst on that very day ?3 weekend on july i unable to meet you . Ok i'm alright with it as i know it's my fault too . and the next want you text me , "dear, confirm i going to Australia on September" , Oh tuhan , dia asyik pergi dan aku terus menanti. Selama satu tahun aku bertahan , dan berapa lama lagi . 

You didn't even comfort me and you want me to support and give you morale support, I did . But how about my feelings.? I'm crying again.. while typing this , I just want to lead what other couple lead too . Not just weekend but weekday meet up. You must be saying when you reading this " did i ask for all this ?" .. Yes you didn't , but whenever now you talk to me you are not the shafiq i use to know . Even on the phone or face to face shafiq i know back from last year was totally different. so different now. I letting out my feeling it's is because whenever i told you , you will be angry and will not accept what i say . The only place i can let it out is where now i writing all my anguished feeling here. I'm sorry if i offend you or hurt you in anyways if my words got hurt you or skip your heart fo a bit . I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart if i really do hurt you. I don't want to demoralize our relationship by telling you what i felt. 

Relationship me and my family Allahmdulilah , my sister is gonna back with us soon. Very soon. Let me put the smile face : D, How i wish everyday this smile of me will always create sincerely and happy with my life again . I love my mom, my grandma , my sister , my niece and nephew and my relative too. Sometimes when i down i keep thinking of them and thinking the memories we shared together.

Friendship me and my girlfriends , everybody now busy working, boyfie and some just can't be bother.I dun know. I don't have alot of friends or i don't have guy friends cause i know i attached eventot having a guy friend will do any benefit. Girlfriends is way better. I'm arent prettyy or ask to be famous, but atleast if i have a true friend who will always being with me when I'm down i happy already . But i still want to make alot of friends from any ages or races . Insyallah if eveything okay, i will update with a good news .*smile  face again but deep down i'm in pain* I done here, sorry for the long post !

Asalamualaikum